I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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