I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
