Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
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They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
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If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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