do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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