walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
