I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
