i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
