she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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