Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize
