my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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