I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
