Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
