You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
