lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
