I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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