my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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