i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
