I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
