The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
