You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
