Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
