I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
