apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
