He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
