my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
