The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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