Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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