how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
