Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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