It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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