I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
