I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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