it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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