question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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