God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
