Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize