On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
