Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Is Oprah even human
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
