Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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