im gay
i know
yea but for you.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
