That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
