I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
