Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
