Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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