The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
