a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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