Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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