I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
