if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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