There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
