never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She's the barista slut.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
