if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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