saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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