hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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