im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
God, you're like boner-b-gone
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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