my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
