I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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