Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
