she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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