I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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