Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
