idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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