The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
