I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
