So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
