We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Who died my cat blue again?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
