I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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