she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
