why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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