i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
