so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
