ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
