My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
