so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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