I'm sorry my penis didn't work
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
