So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
