She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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