sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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