yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
