hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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