I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She's the barista slut.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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