I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
