the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
