Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
